Thomas Beatie - the pregnant man

Image from WikipediaOkay, I just have to get this off my chest.

Pregnant: having a child or other offspring developing in the body; with child or young, as a woman or female mammal (dictionary.com).

Man: an adult male person, as distinguished from a boy or a woman (dictionary.com).

By looking at the two definitions above, one wouldn't normally put the two together. Either you can be pregnant, or you can be a man? Right?

Back in 1994 (at least to my recollection), the idea of a pregnant man started to circulate when the movie Junior came out. It starred Arnold Schwarzenegger as Dr. Alex Hesse who decides to attempt to carry a pregnancy during part of a fertility research project. It was a hilarious movie and really started us thinking. Fast forward to 2008. Dr. Alex Hesse is now Thomas Beatie, the fertility research project is now a touching act of love and the fictional movie is now real life. Thomas Beatie is a man and he is pregnant.

How can this be possible? One can't be a man and still have a womb capable of carrying a pregnancy! Not true actually. Every year more and more people, men and women that feel they were born into the wrong gender, find the courage to undergo transgender surgery. Transgender surgery, also known as sexual reassignment is a process that is very difficult for these people to go through. It begins with a lot of education and research, followed by strict guidelines that the patients have to follow before they can even undergo the actual surgery. Most have to live as the new gender for a year or longer before they are allowed to undergo the surgery. That's if they can even find a surgeon willing to do it.

So, not only is it very difficult for someone to change genders, but once it finally happens, they often suffer criticism and intolerance from many people. I often wonder what if would be like to be a boy born in a girl's body, or to be a girl born in a boy's body? I believe that it's more than just environmental, I believe that genetically some people, in their hearts, souls and minds are born a different gender than what their anatomical parts say. Many people live their whole lives trapped in the wrong body and their okay with that. Others, dress and act like the gender they believe they truly should be. A much smaller percentage of people go the whole 10 yards and are able to transform their bodies so that they no longer have to feel trapped. They make themselves legally the other gender.

Thomas Beatie is one of these people. He was a man living in a woman's body. When he finally made the decision to surgically transform his body into that of a man's, he chose to keep his reproductive rights. He is legally a man, with a uterus. Later, these reproductive rights would come into play when he and his wife found that she could not conceive. In an inspiring act of love and kindness he decided that if she could not carry a baby, he would do it for her.

As a transgender man, he already knew the hate and criticism he would face. Now, pregnant, doctors refuse to acknowledge his wife, receptionists laugh at him and he is constantly having insults thrown at him.

I don't know about anyone else, but if I could not conceive a child and my husband could by whatever means necessary, I would gladly accept his offer to do it. To me, it's a very caring that he did. To bare the brunt of all the negativity that's coming at him when all he wanted to do was give his wife a child is a very compassionate thing that he did.

I would love to think that the human race is a decent one, but I'm starting to believe otherwise. Recently I've heard comments like:

• "It's just too weird. If she wanted to become a man - why did she get pregnant? Men do not get pregnant. I hate to judge people, but I just can't help it this time. I just wish we were still in a time where you wouldn't have to wonder if someone was a man or a woman."
  
• "I can not for the life of me find it in my heart to accept this as ok. It is against everything I believe in my faith as being right and acceptable. I know that makes me sound like a bigot, but so be it. I feel bad for this child- if they didn't want to be a circus side show act they should have thought about their decisions from the get-go."
• "That is just wronge if a man was meant to have a baby they would have been created that way."
• "Its just crazy and disgusting in my opinion."

You know, it makes me sad. If someone was meant to die, why don't we let them? Why do we use modern medicine to heal them and allow them to live many more years? Why do we have cancer research centers? Why do we have fertility clinics? There are many things that we are "meant" to do that we use our medical knowledge to change, why is this different?

I believe that if a child is brought into a home with loving parents (or a parent) than the child will probably be fine (barring abuse). Why does it matter what gender the parents are? To me, it doesn't. Two women can raise a child fine, two men can raise a child fine and a man and woman can also raise a child just fine. In this case, a man and a woman will be raising the child, who cares who actually carries her? I don't think you can say that this is just a publicity stunt and that the parents won't love the child. The man is giving up his identity and his physical safety to bring a child into the world. You can't get much more love than that.

Maybe I see things differently because I had a friend whose birth mother became her father, but still, I believe we need just a touch more tolerance.

I know I had more things to say in this blog, but it's been a few hours since I started so most of my big important thoughts are now gone. To Thomas Beatie - Congratulations on the impending birth of your daughter (July 3rd) and stay strong! It will all be worth it when you look into your daughter's eyes for the first time!

To all of those that feel he is disgusting and that this is wrong - I hope you never are in a situation where you need medical advances to save your life, the life or your child or help you conceive a child. You don't deserve it.

To everyone else - thanks for reading - you get a cookie! :D

Before I leave to go finish watching Ellen, I'd like to remind you about the March for Babies banner at the top of my page. I'm walking tomorrow in our local march and it would be awesome if you would help sponsor me. The mission of March for Babies is to improve the health of babies by preventing birth defects, premature birth, and infant mortality. $1 or $10 will go a long way toward helping the March for Babies in their mission.

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New Job

Yessir, you read right! I have a new job! After a year and some of subbing I finally decided that since I'm going to be here for a while I might as well start looking for a job. I saw one advertised with the county and although I wasn't optimistic about it, I applied. A few weeks later I got an interview and then 5 days later I got an offer for the job! Woot! I'll be working the same hours as Mike and working right next door!

How awesome is that? I'll also be making more than Mike, but we don't need to emphasize that now do we. ;)

Oh this is so great. We'll now be able to find a decent place to live (no more college apartments) and even more importantly, we'll be able to get a car. It gets so hot here in the summer and my car is dark blue with no air conditioning. I was not looking forward to putting my baby in that hot car this summer, but now it looks like I might not have to.

So, basically I'll be working as an Environmental Health Technician. The first few months will be a lot of learning and once I get into it I'll let you all know what exactly I'll be doing. :D

Yay I'm excited.

**While I was typing this I received a phone call from a friend. This is the friend that I talk about a few posts back in "Faking Pregnancy." Her daughter was excited to have two new siblings (twin sisters) when her father's girlfriend's pregnancy ended. We were sure that the woman was lying about the pregnancy but without my friend knowing absolutely for sure, they told the girl that her sisters were up in heaven now. Well, apparently the sister of the father found the original ultrasound pictures online that the girl copied "hers" from. I'm beyond saddened and my friend is sad as well. What kind of sick person does this and leads a poor little 4 year old girl on like that?**

Faking Pregnancy?

Image from WikipediaWe'll see if I can make this short. I still have a massive headache.

A friend of mine has an adorable young daughter. She is sweet, compassionate and empathetic. I love this girl. Anyway, her father (not with the mother) got his girlfriend pregnant a while ago, or so we thought. Months went by and the mother came out and said she was pregnant with twins. The father was not planning on staying with the woman so neither the mother nor father were going to tell the girl about the potential siblings that she might never get to see. She REALLY wants to have siblings so they were trying to save her the pain. Well, the woman decided that she was going to tell the girl herself to which there was much unhappiness on both the mother and father's part. Now that it was out, the girl totally got into the idea of having twin sisters.

Back to the woman. She was supposed to be due with her twins in January. We saw her walking around a mall with some friends in January and I'm sorry, but she didn't look pregnant. Having had a friend that just delivered twins, I now know how HUGE a twin belly can get. She didn't even look pregnant, much less with twins. Her excuse for not looking pregnant apparently was that due to the stress of her boyfriend not being supportive, her twins were not growing.

We were all surprised when February came around and she hadn't delivered yet. She told everyone that her doctors had made a mistake and that her due date was wrong. She had an induction set for March now. Time passes and three days before her induction I get a call from my friend telling me that she's just heard that the woman lost her babies that morning. Apparently she had an ultrasound and the cords had gotten twisted into a knot - both heartbeats had stopped. Much crying and sadness ensued. I didn't hear anything for a few days when my friend called me up again and said that the woman still had not delivered. To make a long story short, a week later she still had not delivered and actually took my friend's daughter out with another friend and went shopping at a mall. Now, almost 3 weeks later (maybe 2, like I said, my head hurts) she still has not "delivered."

• Problem #1 - If the twins were not growing due to stress, I have a feeling she wouldn't be walking around the mall.

• Problem #2 - Doctors can and often are wrong on the due date. It's an estimated due date for a reason. They can even be up to 4 weeks off. But to be 4 months off is not really possible. If she had an induction date in March with twins then her actual due date would be 2-4 weeks later, thus the due date was 4 months off.

• Problem #3 - If the cords were twisted and knotted, then the babies would have been momo twins, also known as monoamniotic-monochorionic. The cords (and babies) would have had to be in the same amniotic sac in order to become twisted. This type of twin is very rare and very dangerous. At around 26 weeks the mother becomes constantly monitored (fetal heart rate monitoring twice a week) and is put on hospital bed rest for constant monitoring around 28 weeks. Momo twins are delivered between 32-34 weeks. Any later than that and the twins become large enough that cord entangled is pretty much guaranteed. Soooo, that means that the woman would have had momo twins but was not monitored, put on bed rest, and was allowed to go to 38ish weeks pregnancy. Doctors can make a mistake and diagnose momo twins when that isn't the case, but that don't make the mistake of seeing two sacs when only one is present (meaning that if a woman has momo twins, the doctor will know). So, either the woman wasn't going to the doctor like she should be (which apparently she says she was) or she is lying.

Here is some more information on momo twins.

• Problem #4 - Women with stillborn babies can take time to deliver their babies. They are encouraged not to rush and to treat the delivery like one of a live baby. That doesn't mean that any doctor would ever allow a woman with two nonliving babies to go 3 weeks without delivering and then allow her to go shopping at the mall with friends. That also doesn't mean that a woman who is carrying two nonliving babies would/should go hang out at the mall! Am I the only one that sees an issue here? Information on stillbirth.

So, to recap, the woman would have been monitored very closely by her doctors as soon as momo twins was diagnosed (which they would have to be in order for their cords to become intertwined). Slow growth would get her put on bed rest early which would mean that she shouldn't have been walking around the mall when we saw her. The close monitoring would make it next to impossible to be that wrong on the due date. She would have delivered about a month and a half ago, in order to avoid the very reason she says her twins didn't make it. Last, but not least, a woman that is so distraught over the loss of her twins, would not go 3 weeks without delivering and then have social engagement in large public places nor would a doctor allow it. Her body would be overly toxic by now.

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Added 4/1/08 (no this isn't an April Fool's thing) - From a family member of the poor father.

Supposedly she was dialated to a 5 at 9 months pregnant with twins too. That’s pretty damn amazing.

Her "ultrasound" pictures (all 8 that she showed us) were actually taken from a site called "about.com" check out my "fake" pics folder to compare.

The hospital supposedly wasn’t going to give her a death certificate because technically the babies weren’t born. This is a lie because Washington state law requires that HOSPITALS complete the death certificate for all stillborn infants more than 20 weeks along. The funeral home does not create the death certificate - as someone tried to tell us.

She supposedly went to the hospital, was given an epideral, and delivered 2 full term twins, AND was sent home the same day! Amazing I tell you.

Funny that when she was confronted about being at the hospital, she decided to go to a different hospital and that’s why nobody could find her.

And for all you mothers out there....you tell me how you could have just lost your first babies and in the same week be hanging out with friends, driving around town, AND HOLDING OTHER BABIES without so much as tearing up. I would have broke down crying at the site of other twins/babies - let alone hold them.

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Sooooo, that was long, I apologize. Let me know your thoughts. My friend and the father did eventually tell the girl that her siblings are up in heaven now but the mother is still unhappy about the whole ordeal. I have told her my opinion on the matter, but I think it would help her to hear from other people as well. She's feeling very hurt and betrayed by this woman but is still unsure if she should feel this way or not.

Thanks!